Sexy Sax Man

Uh-mazing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaoLU6zKaws

The Clermont Lounge

One of my top five favorite places in probably the world is The Clermont Lounge. It is lauded as an "Atlanta landmark" and also as "where strippers go to die," but I think of it more as where PBR, strippers, hipsters, and frighteningly awkward rednecks go to thrive. It dwells below the charming Clermont Motor Hotel, which I believe has finally recently been shut down. The Motor Hotel has long been affectionately known as a terrible crack den most likely filled with fleas and scabies, and just as "Nature gave a second groan" in Paradise Lost when Adam and Eve eat the sinful fruit and copulate, Atlanta will surely mourn the loss of such a fine establishment.

My most recent visit to the quaint and charming Clermont Lounge was about a week ago to induct a good friend to the experience who had never before witnessed such a brand of revelry. We got there at about 9:30, much too early, and found ourselves in a nearly empty bar with only strippers, one weird man who seemed to know everyone, and a small group of blind people. The blind people were exceedingly kind and considerate, but, I mean, why were blind people at a strip club?? So bizarre.

As we sipped our PBRs and watched the lovely ladies gyrating, a group of fratty guys who all looked alike and all were wearing baby blue polo shirts entered. Their presence immediately encouraged my compatriot and me to slide down the bar closer to the blind crew. The fratty guys also immediately ordered kamikaze shots (?!) and proceeded to loudly heckle the strippers. Finally, after two or three dances, one of the strippers began yelling back at them, "Do you guys fucking talk to your mother with those mouths? It's bad enough being up here naked without you fucking making fun of me!" We all clapped for this brave lady, and the bouncer yelled out to the guys, "You can either learn some respect or get the fuck out of my bar." The guys were instantly ashamed and apologized. I wish they had left. But of course, wishing is about as effective as religion, so...

Later in the evening, after we had noticed the entrance of my friend's podiatrist (!), one of the brosephs tried to hit on us. After awkwardly asking us if we had any tattoos, I asked him what made The Situation so awesome. He immediately launched into a long-winded speech about the awesomeness of Jersey Shore before asking me which character I liked the best. I told him (eliminating as much sass from my voice as humanly possible) that I had never seen it. He pretty much figured out at that point that we did not care for his company. Later, one of his friends came up and bragged to us about how much coke he did. We left soon after.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, but I guess I just wanted to express to my 0 readers how awesome the Clermont is and that you should go. There is never a dull moment to be had there. Additionally, when we told my friend's father we were going to the Clermont, he mentioned a certain stripper he had seen there in college who could crush beer cans between her tittays. I have included an instructional photograph of said stripper, Blondie, who is still there to this day. Basically, I guess my point is that the Clermont Lounge is a timeless, classic Atlanta tradition that would be a fun place to take your grandparents.